Replaced

I stand just a couple weeks away from the trip I have been talking about since DECEMBER! We leave in just about two weeks. Absolutely nuts, I tell ya! In my preparation I have had this nagging question come up often:

Why?

 It has been a question asked of me and one I ask myself. Why am I doing this? What is driving me? Where does this motivation, this passion, this determination- to live differently -come from? 

me, myself and I

I guess my question is, is it a selfish desire in me, or a real desire to live radically for the Lord that radically loves? 

Its been humbling these last few weeks, to feel The Lord nudging me ... convicting my heart. You see, I have turned this journey into something about me. 

I have been told things like: "Wow, that's a great thing you are doing. I couldn't do that. I would be too scared. " 

Well, yeah ... me too! 

You see, the focus has changed to something I am doing. However, it should be all about Him! It just isn't about me, plain and simple. I have been replaced. My body isn't to live out my own will and desires, but to give up as a empty vessel for the living God to use for His glory, for His will and for His kingdom...not my own. I couldn't have gotten to this place without Him and I won't get anywhere without Him. These next 6 months aren't to give me a neat experience or help me grow or take me out of my comfort zone. The purpose is deeper and it has nothing to do with me. 

How humbling is it to know God doesn't need us. He is reliant on us. Yet, He chooses us. He finds complete joy in including us in His work. It isn't by any talent we possess, but His incredible mercy. 

So that is where I stand. Humbled. It is my constant prayer that God will break my heart and change my focus. That all this self talk with be gone and all I will be able to see is Him working. I pray for eyes that see the Holy Spirit moving. That in normal activities His presence will be known. That when I start to get overwhelmed about what I can and cannot do that He reminds me it isn't about me. It is my prayer that every morning I will be replaced. The human nature in me will be exchanged for the spirit of the Lord's. 

It’s so much easier to find the right words to say, but so much harder to live it out. So that is where you come in. As prayer warriors, I ask that you pray that all my teammates and I will be replaced. There are just about 15 of us going on faith. Will you just lift up prayers that God will not be held back by our nature, but come in His fullness? That He will take over and through His power use these months to change lives, to build His kingdom! 

Thanks for reading, Y'all are the best!