I am not sure if this is a strength or a weakness, but I am fairly quick to admit my faults. This week it was stinkin' thinkin'. 

I was WAY too caught up in lies this week ... lies about who I am, my worth and what I offer this world and even God.

I was WAY too busy comparing myself to other girls, playing the If Only game (which is a lot like emotional Russian Roulette). 

I was WAY too busy using my time to think about qualities I don't have or things I have failed at, times I have turned away from God or not trusted His voice. Times I have thought my way was better and followed my own desires. 

Basically, I totally lost focus of the heart of God. 

The heart of God who tells me that He knit me together perfectly. That He planned who I was going to be before the world began. 

The SAME God who made this absolutely beautiful world made me ... and what is even better is that He loves me more. 

The heart of God that sent His son to die so that He could have a personal relationship with me. 

The heart of God that searches for the 1 sheep that has gone missing even when there are 99 others waiting where they should be. I can't believe in this God, and not feel special, loved, priceless, and worthy. It just doesn't make sense. 

All of this came to my realization on my drive home tonight from a friends house. Now, JJ Heller is my all time favorite singer/songwriter EVER! Her music has been a ministry for me for years now, and no matter how many times I listen to a song it always has a new meaning to me. Each song reaches me in a different season, and tonight I listened to a song I have probably 100 times before but this time as I belted it out as loud as I could my heart turned and joy filled my heart. 

I know that she's a liar when I look into her eyes

But I believe in every word she says

She's out to start a fire burning everything I have

I can't put it out 'cause it's all inside my head 

And then you sing

I hear you sing

You call me lovely

You call me friend

You call me out of death and let me try again

You call me beloved

You call me clean

Then you show me all the beauty that you see in me

I still hear her whisper and sometimes I hear her shout 

You're not good enough and you will never be 

But if I focus on your singing I can start to tune her out

'Cause you came with a love to set me free

I know that you love me enough to die

And I will try to see the value that you place on me

And you say I'm worthy

You see I spent my whole week listening to the liar inside my mind. The liar who said I am not good enough. BUT this song reminded me that God's voice drowns out the liar's and He sings a song of beauty, love, peace, and worth over my life. You see no matter how down we get about ourselves, no matter how many times we fail, we have a living, personal father who carries us through. He never leaves us, never abandons us, never gives up on us. All the while we are focusing on the lies, He is singing over us. 

"For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm your fears. HE WILL REJOICE OVER YOU WITH JOYFUL SONGS." Zep. 3:17

So this week I am giving up the lies, and I am basking in the Lord's songs over me. Believing that I am beautifully and wonderfully made and maybe I am not perfect at everything and yes, I have failed, but I am who I was meant to be and God has a plan for me of blessing and truth.