I can't say...

I haven't said anything since we've been back. Partly because I have been busy, but mainly because I just haven't been able to find the words. How to begin to explain? How do you come back and live here after having seen and experienced a place like Rwanda? Well, you don't easily I can tell you that.

To be honest, for a while I put Africa in the back of my mind. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't begin to process my experience while being back at home with all my luxuries. However, being back at school has turned my world for a loop.

I was nervous to come back. I didn't know how I would feel interacting around people my age; around Americans. I was nervous of feelings from last year creeping their way into this one. I was nervous that I would forget what had happened this summer and be consumed by my own culture again. Of course, as always, God rescued me. He took me out of a place of fear and anxiety and has given me power and authority and most of all love. Love that I cannot even really give justice with words. The love in my heart is overwhelming and I mostly just cry at the height of it. I have been praying for a heart like God's, that He will give me His love for people. I do believe He is answering that prayer, but only in a tiny glimpse of the love He carries for His people. I can tell you, though, that I am aching today for those kids at Noel. I desire nothing but to feel their hand in mine, to cuddle with them, to laugh with them, even to smell them. Crazy. I know. In a lot of ways I left my heart there, but in a lot of ways I feel more of my heart than ever before. So I guess my love is expanding across countries, across continents, across an entire world.

So, I don't know why I am here and not there, but I do know that God has a purpose in everything. So I am living it day by day, praying for love and joy as I embark on this journey and hope to fulfill what He has planned for me. I will be patient and I will soak in all that I can while I can.